Distressed Behaviour

If you think there could be a pattern of behaviour, it may be beneficial to keep a note of when it happens in a diary. Try to track anything you think is relevant, like the date and time, who else was present, or what happened immediately before and after. You can also note whether the person said anything about it at the time or later. Over time you can see if there is a pattern that emerges.

Consider whether there might be a physical cause for actions like spitting or biting. It may be worth a visit to the GP or the dentist to rule out issues with the jaw or teeth.

As challenging as it may feel to remain composed when feeling hurt, threatened, or insulted, it can often be the most effective approach in supporting the person you’re assisting. Take a few deep breaths and assess your own nervous system. Remain nearby but keep a physical distance if required. Avoid the temptation to engage in lengthy conversations. Consider it as providing stability to the other individual as they navigate their emotional turmoil.

You can address the matter directly at a later time, but in the immediate moment, concentrate on calming the situation.

Understanding the root cause of distress in the person you’re supporting is crucial, and this requires effective communication with them. How you go about this depends on your relationship with them, as well as their age and stage of development. If you haven’t already established effective communication, you can refer to the communication section elsewhere on this website. The key is to ensure that the individual receives the necessary support to communicate in a manner that suits them best.

It’s advisable to address the issue at a later, calmer time rather than in the heat of the moment. Look for a moment when both parties are composed and have some distance from the situation. It may be helpful to address the behaviour directly, making it clear that the concern lies with the behaviour itself rather than the emotions behind it. This allows for a discussion about what occurred in a manner appropriate to the individual, potentially shedding light on the underlying reasons for their distress. You can also explore ways to express intense emotions without causing harm to others or even devise a plan for handling similar situations in the future, ensuring the individual feels heard and supported.

Traditional behaviourist techniques like reward charts and the threat of a naughty step might get some immediate results. Still, it is fairly common for autistic people to find intrinsic motivation much more compelling. There is also a danger of focussing so much on the behaviour that you miss more important underlying issues.

Sometimes harmful behaviour can be simply redirected in the moment, especially if it’s caught early. A bit of surprise can go a long way, like a request for help with something small, or a bad joke. Of course, it is very important that if the person is trying to communicate something, their needs and feelings aren’t ignored.

Changes in routine or environment can be very upsetting for an autistic person. However, you can help by communicating and preparing them. Showing pictures of new places or people, explaining what to expect clearly, and ensuring predictability are all important.

If the person you’re supporting is feeling anxious (or even if they aren’t) it’s worth thinking about their sensory diet – that is, the opportunities they have throughout the day for sensory input or relief. They might want to jump on a trampoline, or hide under a weighted blanket, or just have a smooth rock to carry around in a pocket. There might also be a direct connection to the behaviour you want to address if it’s as simple as wanting something to chew on.

Conversely, pay attention to negative sensory input that could be causing them distress. This may mean allowing them to avoid uncomfortable places (an echoey auditorium, for instance) or if that’s not possible give them what they need to be comfortable, like ear defenders or sunglasses.

If your schedule has gotten a little busy, consider whether the person you’re supporting has enough space for downtime. They might like a sensory break or just space to relax and do what makes them happy. Even one full day can be exhausting, and might even require one or two full days off to make up for it.

If the autistic person you’re supporting seems to target an individual person, like a family member or a support person, it’s still important to learn why they’re upset. It may be that a particular tutor just isn’t a good fit, or that they’re jealous of a sibling’s time with their mother and they just need some quality time. It could also be as simple as Uncle Bob wearing too much body spray, which is an easy fix.

Again, it’s important to separate the emotion from the behaviour. It’s not okay to hit the annoying tutor, but it is okay to not like him. It’s not okay to spit on Uncle Bob, but it is okay to avoid him and his body spray.

If the person felt like lashing out, possibly harmfully, was the only way to convey how they felt, then it’s worth thinking about how to make sure they feel heard in the future.